This is #2 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or–more often–misconceptions about asexuality. I don’t have a set number of these I’m going to do, and I imagine I’ll continue to get material for them as life goes on, but I currently have quite a backlog, so you can expect material to last for some time at least. 🙂 #2 is an Instant Message with a dude from my college town. He was a local celebrity and seemed to think his social status would impress me quite a lot! When I didn’t have any reaction, we ended up discussing asexuality, which mostly involved his rapid-fire sweeping judgments of my character based on unwillingness to open his mind and idiotic premature assumptions. . . . This is a recorded IM that is posted in my “Jerks File” on my Web site. You can read the full transcript (and maybe follow links to check out other jerks) here: swankivy.com
Video Rating: 4 / 5
Wow, thank you for such a nice comment. I’m so glad my words have helped put your priorities in perspective for you! Yes, you’re absolutely right, self-love is worth a LOT in being the kind of person who can have stable relationships. I think in order to have one and stay in one, you have to be someone who offers as much as you take. I’ve heard of relationships where one person is “carried” by the other, but they often fail eventually if they’re based on need, not love. I wish you the best!
Wow, thank you for such a nice comment. I’m so glad my words have helped put your priorities in perspective for you! Yes, you’re absolutely right, self-love is worth a LOT in being the kind of person who can have stable relationships. I think in order to have one and stay in one, you have to be someone who offers as much as you take. I’ve heard of relationships where one person is “carried” by the other, but they often fail eventually if they’re based on need, not love. I wish you the best!
(Part 2) Rather than seeking the acceptance of a significant other, be it a friend or a romantic relationship, I think it would be much healthier to work towards accepting myself for who I am and just having fun at life.
I’m not a terribly unhappy person or anything, but my ‘internal dialogue’ has never been the best and I think you’ve helped me identify it, as well as find a way to solve it.
Thank you for that.
Ok. I know this isn’t really on-topic about asexuality or anything, but I just wanted to say that what you mentioned about finding someone to love a person because that person can’t love themself was really a big wakeup call for me. I’m not entirely sure why, but hearing you say that in the way you said it made me realize that I’ve grown dangerously close to a dependency on others to cancel out my own self-hatred. (Continued in Part 2)
What an arrogant man.
Yeah, some people aren’t comfortable discussing their sexual orientation with other people. It’s just not really their business. But it’s good if some people are comfortable with discussing asexuality publicly (in person and in educational materials) because I think it will get easier for everyone if more people hear about the orientation and learn to process it as one of the many sexual orientations people can be.
I tend to not tell someone I am asexual unless their really pushy about it. As you have seen it just makes people react badly if they don’t know you well. I usually go for the ‘not looking for anyone’ if someone asks me why I don’t date and that stops them from asking further
lol, you definitely did that! 😛
Hm, I didn’t think it sounded English at all–but I was just trying to sound like I had a stick up my butt.
I don’t know why, but your ‘posh voice’ sounded strangely like the English accent! o.O
HAHAHA This guy sounds like such a tool.
It’s weird how some people can’t imagine that other people might have different interests than them.
Yeah, since demisexual people mostly live and think like asexual people, we have a lot in common and we get a lot of the same comments. The only thing “sad” and “tragic” involved with asexuality is that people keep trying to change us.
It’s annoying when people say it’s “sad” or “tragic” that people are asexual. I’m not completely asexual but almost, and this is the exact reason why I don’t bother telling anyone about it. The only one I’ve told is my best friend and he thought it was sad until I mentioned that I’m actually demisexual, not asexual. It’s just so ignorant to assume that everyone wants the same as you want, kind of like how some straight guys don’t understand how gay guys can be attracted to men.
Yeah. It’s like there’s a checklist that they don’t even realize they’re reading off of. I think some of these people just can’t get past the idea that we must be insulting or rejecting sexuality itself if we don’t admit we need it–like some religious people feel that people who aren’t their religion MUST accept and understand how empty their lives are without it. Bottom line is I’m not going to be drawn to sex the way other people are because I’m not attracted to anyone. It’s not complicated.
The people talking to you about how you’re missing out by not being sexual sound about the same as religious followers trying to get you to join their religion by claiming you’re not happy. It’s actually kind of funny that they have such a strong need to get you to acknowledge having some sort of flaw, and they think that you haven’t heard all of these things before, and that they are original. It’s interesting to watch people say identical things and each think they are original.
Heh, believe it or not, many of my conversations have been civil. 😉 I appreciate your compliments, though I really hope I am not the product of a god that likes trolling the human race.
This video is a hoax! Everybody knows that it’s impossible to be that civil in an internet chat! jk
Damn, you are so cute, so smart, and so adorable… and you have absolutely no interest in sex… that’s proof that there’s a god and he has a dark sense of humor! :p
Wow… a hottie that has absolutely no interest in my penis whatsoever… just like when I go to the strip club! I’m so turned on right now…
I appreciate that.
Hhmm….You seem cool.
Well, to be fair I’ve also been open about my orientation for about eighteen years. . . . And I display that openness in highly public places like the Internet, magazines, and other media . . . so it stands to reason I’d at least attract more crazies, if not also a different quality of crazy. 🙂
I’ve come across many STUPID guys, people in general though, when say im Ace(Asexual), but those guys/letters you have are Crazy..Beyond my kind of reaction I get..
Her response to me this morning: “funny, thanks for sharing”
I would pay money to see your moms reaction when see watches that.